


Crystalanthemums

by DJoftheCoven



Category: Homestuck, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Adorable John, Dave is Ruby, Don't question it, Fluff, Gemstuck, Inspired by Steven Universe, John is Sapphire, M/M, also John wears dresses sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-07-17 18:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16101410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJoftheCoven/pseuds/DJoftheCoven
Summary: Dave is just one of the infinite versions of himself, not meant to be special in any way. John is one of a kind, hailed by all as royalty. Fate brings them together when John is assigned a Ruby guard during a mission for Blue Diamond.Dave doesn't think very highly of himself, but John sees him as perfect just the way he is. Now it's John's mission to show Dave how much he's really worth.(Did it hurt when you fell for me? Because I warned you about all those stairs, dog.)





	1. Your Predictions Have Nothing On DUMB LUCK

====> Dave: try not to pass out 

Your name is Dave Strider, and you are a Ruby. As a common foot soldier made to guard a high-class gem, you can withstand almost any attack and endure any training imaginable, no matter how grueling. You remind yourself of this as your commanding Agate forces you to your feet with her shining blue whip curled around her hand. She was yelling at you, and you could hear it distantly, but you were too distracted by pain to really listen. 

“Strider!” She screams, grabbing your throbbing chin and glaring at you through your thick black shades. “You dare disobey a direct order from the diamonds?” The icy depths of her eyes put a shiver down your spine as you struggled to answer. 

“No... my lady” You cough out along with some blood. The crimson liquid drains through her hands and she grunts in disgust. 

“I can’t hear you!” She screeches as she turns to tighten her whip in between her fists. 

“NO, MY LADY!” The Agate deepens her harsh gaze and then flops your pathetic form to the ground. You land on your badly damaged sword-wielding arm. A whimper escapes your lips involuntarily. You instantly freeze, waiting for another strike to your back, but let out a shaky breath when you realize that she didn’t hear it. 

“They asked for you. SPECIFICALLY you. No one else can do this job. I will not let you screw this up for our department. You will do EVERYTHING that they say exactly when they say it. Clear?” 

The edges of your vision turn black. It’s your arm, you think. She’s bending it at the verge of a break. “Crystal, my lady.” Your throat closes up and you choke as silently as you can manage. 

“Good.” She snaps the whip on the ground behind her and stuffs it into her gem. “You will report to the Rubies’ Quarters effective immediately. You are strictly forbidden from contacting any of the other guards until tomorrow. If you disobey my commands, the punishment will be swift.” A click of her heel, a flick of wrist, and she’s gone, and you’re alone in your misery. 

You adjust your shades so their sitting straight on your nose. There’s no way that you’re going to break down over this. You’ve dealt with much worse from your Agate. If you act unaffected, maybe things will change for the better. The less emotion you show is the less emotion you feel. One day you might cease to feel anything. A Ruby, you think again. I am a Ruby who was forged for pain. It is me, it is my life, this is my purpose. 

Thinking it makes you feel better. Chanting it over and over drowns out the ringing in your ears. 

A small thought nags at the back of your mind, warning you to start moving. If your Agate catches you still sitting on the floor of the training hall, you’ll most definitely be lashed. You attempt to scramble to your feet and wait for the spots to fade from your vision. You could really use a bath. A nice, long bath that might wash you away with it. 

====> John: attempt to see the future 

Your name is John Egbert, and you are a Sapphire. A rare and noble gem with the ability to see the future, Sapphires are generally irreplaceable amongst the homeworld gems. There’s only one problem: you can’t see what they want. 

You’ve been meditating at the seer's fountain for three days now. Anything that the universe needs you to know would have been revealed by now, you think bitterly. You guess it just doesn’t have all that much to say. 

The universe is a finicky creature to say the least. It only ever reveals things when it wants to, which is hardly ever, especially not without a fight. Most experienced diviners can see about three visions a day. Minor things, mostly. It’s enough to get by. You however, are only lucky enough to get visions about once a month. That means that you have to try extra hard every time they want a prophecy from you. It’s exhausting. 

But you understand that this is important. Your Diamond needs you! 

You may not get visions very often, but yours are the most detailed and useful by far. Many battles have been won over the 4,250 years that you’ve been alive, and all thanks to your special talent. If you could just focus... 

But you know you won’t be able to. Not today, at least. You haven’t seen another gem in days, and the lack of social stimulation was driving you up the wall. It would be best if you gave yourself a little break. 

You get up from your seat at the fountain and try to dust off your outfit. Dang... three days of dirt had accumulated on the hem of your skirt. You’re going to have to do something about that when you get inside. 

The sliding door is just a few feet away, and you push it aside with a little effort. Wow, your muscles are really sore. You try to stretch out your arms as you enter the pavilion. The library lays across from you to the right when you walk in. A book would be a nice luxury when you finally get that prophecy to your superiors, but you’re not going to think about that right now. 

You walk down the hallway at the end of the room. The Sapphires’ quarters are somewhere down that way, or at least that’s what you think. The tour that you were given of this place was brief. It was similar enough to the other manors that you had stayed in over the years that you hadn’t really bothered committing the details to memory. 

You realize that was a mistake when you get utterly lost™. 

There sure as hell aren’t any sapphires over here. Or any other gems for that matter. In fact, you haven’t seen another person around the pavilion at all, which in itself is more than strange. Whatever, you decide that you don’t really care right now. 

You remember that you have a directory stashed somewhere in your sylladex. There are a few cards above it that are relatively harmless. You pull out your feather, pen, and coin cards respectively, making your directory now easily accessible. 

Making sense of where you are, you now orient yourself in the right direction. It says right there that you need to walk forward for a minute or two. Seems reasonable. 

You pass between large turquoise pillars in the commons room. A few couches are splashed around randomly in clusters of three, each with little tables to hold drinks and such. In manors that you’ve been to before, this was the busiest room in the whole building. You’re aware that cultures can be different in different areas, but the silence still strikes you as unsettling. 

You enter a new hallway past the commons room. You think you’re still going in the right direction. Maybe. 

The map is unhelpful in letting you know if you picked the right hallway. It’s not like it says, “Turn right in 300 yards” or something. You guess you’ll just have to manage. 

The tapping of your feet through the empty hallway echoes in a nice rhythm. Tap-tap taptaptap Tap-tap taptaptap... You start whistling a little tune while you walk. 

It had the same base as the song that you’ve been composing for your Diamond’s planetary festival, but it was a bit more spontaneous than that. You don’t often put much effort into piece for other people. It’s something that you learned not to do early, because if you try to put too much of yourself into music, then it masks what it was made for. To accentuate the court. You cringe internally at that. Music is something personal, not manufactured propaganda! 

Whatever, you think as you keep whistling intently. All you want to think about is your music. 

You put a little bit of emotion into the chorus, closing your eyes for a second before beginning to sing instead. The sound vibrates all around the hallway to echo back at you. 

It was the perfect sound. If you could add just a little piano to it, you could make something truly beautiful. Your voice hits crescendo as you emerge into a room draped in red curtains. You don’t really notice them though, because now you’re swirling your skirt and dancing around the room. 

Huge arched windows are letting in light from outside. You vaguely recall that this was the Earth base, and that was why it was so bright here. This planet had a star. Plants. Life! Limitless potential that made your heart flutter. Your song uplifts. 

You swirl some more near the windows, letting the fragile rays of the sun fall into your eyes. You’re breathing hard, your face is flushed, and your hair is probably disheveled. But you wouldn’t have it any other way right now. The song finally reaches a slow finish. 

You curtsey to nobody as a joke, blowing little kisses and giggling pointlessly. But suddenly all the blood in your body rushes to your cheeks when you hear clapping. 

Were they watching the whole time? 

You see an entire cohort of Rubies clapping for you, hollering praise and asking for more. There is no way that your face can get any bluer right now! 

 

 

 

“That was so cool!” One Ruby yells from her niche a few feet up. She has sharp teeth that she gnashes in excitement at you. You back up, but are flattered nonetheless. 

“Uhh... thank you?” You say sheepishly. “I didn’t think anyone was listening.” 

“Well still, that was some fucking good music.” Says a Ruby with messy hair and terrible eyeliner. 

You feel lightheaded as they keep throwing compliments at you. What can you say? You’ve never had an audience before, or at least not when you were singing. Singing is an immediate NO when you’re in public. It’s embarrassing! You try to hide your face from them. 

The sound of a new voice clearing their throat rings throughout the room, causing the Rubies to go silent. 

It’s an Agate. A very intimidating one at that, dragging a beat-up looking Ruby behind her. She says nothing. Suddenly, all the Rubies in the room scramble to line up. 

The scary Agate just raises her eyebrow. She reaches behind her to grab the arm of that poor Ruby and tosses him on the ground in front of her. You gasp in surprise. Why would she do something like that? He could have gotten really hurt! 

The new Ruby didn’t complain, though. He just weakly stood to join his cohort in line. Your heart trembled for him when you saw his face. It was impossible to see his eyes, but you could feel how much he was hurting just by the way he set his jaw. Your eyes widened in horror when the Agate kicked him forward. She must not have been pleased with how long he was taking, you think, because you honestly can’t think of another reason why he would deserve this. 

The Agate grins sweetly and turns to leave but stops in her tracks when she sees you. Her smile widens. You flinch. However, she doesn’t seem interested in hurting you. A deep shiver runs down your spine when you see her lick her lips. You’re very uncomfortable. 

“Look alive, soldiers! It’s not often that we get a visitor here.” She didn’t take her eyes off you as she spoke. She just stared. “What’s your name, pumpkin?” 

Dear Lord, you want to die. 

“John. I-I'm a sapphire.” You say, averting your eyes. You feel yourself freezing under her vision, literally. You covertly kick away some ice crystals forming at your feet. 

“Oh! You must be John the Diviner.” A few excited murmurs are heard from the soldiers. They must recognize your title. Great! Now you feel terrible. You can’t predict for shit, and they have no idea. “I’ve heard so much about you. Why don’t you come and join me for a little walk? I can show you around the training grounds. It would be lovely to hear of your marvelous talent...” 

“That won’t be necessary!” You laugh nervously. “I was just, um, looking for the Sapphire’s quarters. But I accidentally wandered in here. The Rubies have been nothing but hospitable, though! Heh.” 

The Agate’s eyes widen in exaggerated pride. “Have they? Oh, that’s wonderful. I was afraid that they wouldn’t know how to treat a gem of such rarity.” You blush and shake your head. You don’t want the Rubies thinking that you feel above them! She doesn’t seem to notice, though. The Rubies perk up when she walks in front of them. 

“From here on, you will address this gem as ‘Your Clarity’. He is your superior and should be treated as such.” The gems groan, but all say “Yes, miss” at varying levels of exasperation. 

Kill me please, you think. No you don’t. 

Anyway, the Agate turns to you with her creepy eyes boring into your soul. It’s unsettling as fuck. 

“I’m sure that Dave,” She says, gesturing to the Ruby that doesn’t look ready to walk a foot in any direction. “...Would be happy to show you to the Sapphire commons. Wouldn’t you, Dave?” 

She stares expectantly at him. He clears his throat, and you notice him wiping blood off his palm afterward. “Ain’t nothing I would rather do with my life.” 

“Well off you go, then!!!” She seems eager to stab him. You turn around to shout a thank you, but the Agate is already gone. You thank the other Rubies standing around instead. They shrug. 

Dave is hobbling towards you, holding a katana and his left hand like a walking stick. You’re silent as he approaches. Dave waves his hand, as if he’s asking you to lean in closer. You comply, wanting to hear what he has to say. He cranes his neck so that his lips are brushing your ear. 

“Come with me, your Clarity.” 

====> John: Choke like a sissy and fall on your face 

It’s tempting, but no. 

With that, Dave hobbles on in front of you. You notice that you're still clutching your ear in shock. That was a little bit more dramatic than necessary. The contact made your head spin! 

Nevertheless, you turn to follow him.


	2. Walk with me.

====> John: Be the other guy 

Congratulations! You’re the other guy. 

You’re Dave Strider right now, and you’re not feeling too hot. You’re tired, sweaty, bleeding internally, covered in bruises, and in the mood for a very long nap. But you’re not allowed to nap right now. Why? Because your Agate’s a douche, that’s why. It’s bad enough that she had to beat you within an inch of your life for “training”, but did she really need to rub salt in the wound by giving you more shit to do afterwards? You have half a mind to run up to her and demand that she finds someone more suited for the job. It’s not fair to assign this Sapphire a dying Ruby because of her superiority complex. 

Speaking of the Sapphire, he seems very relieved to be leaving the training grounds. You can practically feel the hallelujah hanging in the air. 

Yeah, your Agate tends to have that effect on people. 

“So anyway,” he starts. “My name is John, and I was summoned here to make predictions. I’m, uh, a Sapphire?” 

“I recall.” You whisper, leaning close to his face. 

He seems uncomfortable but doesn’t move away. You guess that you’re being a little too lenient with personal space, but you can hardly speak right now. There aren’t a whole lot of other options. If he wants to hear what you have to say, then he'll need to suck it up. 

John runs a hand through his hair. “Oh yeah, I guess I did tell your Agate that when we were in the training room. I’m sorry, I just tend to, uh, repeat stuff a lot when I’m anxious.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” You rasp. He gives a tiny smile. 

You cough a little bit, getting a thin splatter of blood on your fingers. Darn Heckity. The Sapphire takes a step back, watching with concern. 

“Are you sure that you want to do this for me? I can try to find the Commons by myself. You really look like you could use some rest.” 

“It’s not like I have a choice,” You say, gesturing back at the training grounds. “Besides, I like making fun of rich people, so let’s make this last.” You’re a little bit surprised that John doesn’t immediately order your beheading. He seems to be laughing into his palm. 

The two of you walk for a long time, talking about anything and everything you can think of. Well, you don’t do whole bunch of actual chatter, you’ve mostly just been listening. Your voice hurts. Besides, you’re fairly certain that John could hold up a riveting conversation with a wall if he put his mind to it. 

He tells you about his passion for piano, which seems typical for a member of high court, but the way he talks about it is so different than the officials that you’ve had to guard before. He seems to genuinely enjoy the music. He’s got opinions, and he tells you about them. The honesty is refreshing. 

There’s this cute thing that he does sometimes where he moves your free hand around, trying to mimic piano chords for emphasis on whatever it is he’s talking about. It was a little bit weird when he did it the first time, but he was mindful of your bruises. You can’t say you really mind all that much. You try to humor him a little bit by tapping out some cruddy semblance of notes with your katana sheath. He laughs every time. 

He also tells you about how much he likes to sing, and you see an opportunity to be annoying. “Sing something for me.” You say quietly. 

“What? No! That’s what got me lost in the first place. What’ll happen if I lose track of what I’m doing again?” John protests. You poke him in the shoulder. 

“You can’t really get much more lost at this point.” You feel the temperature drop slightly. Huh. 

“It couldn’t have been that bad!” John exclaims. 

“We are literally the farthest away from the Sapphire’s quarters that you can get while still being in the Manor.” You tease, and John blushes profusely. Seriously, it’s getting cold in here. 

“I-I guess I’m out of excuses then...” Says John. He hangs his head and heaves a deep sigh. “Do I really have to sing? I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m not very good.” He looks at you shyly. 

Now you really want to hear him sing. “As long as you’re better than Yellow Diamond’s Pearl, I don’t give a shit how bad you are.” 

He giggles. “Okay, fine. I’ll sing something. But you need to promise not to make fun of me.” 

“Strider’s honor.” 

John starts out just humming. It’s a basic tune, low and strong. You like it. You both meander through the Manor, navigating through the empty halls while you listen to his small voice. 

About halfway down a new hallway, John starts actually singing. Holy heck. That’s some good shit right there. He seems really embarrassed by it, so you try to encourage him with a little smirk. You don’t like to smile all that often, but when you do, at least you mean it. 

His voice is like velvet settling over the atmosphere. 

Some time later, John lets his voice fade out. He looks at you nervously. You give him a thumbs up. 

Eventually, you both make it to the center of the Manor. This is where the Seer’s Fountain is. In the center, there’s this fucking ugly statue of a Sapphire that you’ve had a bitter vendetta against since you were 1,000 years old. It looks like what would happen if a Jasper put on robes and a pointy hat and then got run over sixteen times with a palanquin, which is your rough estimate of the worst fashion nightmare in existence besides yourself. If you could get rid of that statue, you would be able to reclaim the number one spot. It’s just ironic enough to be a major goal in your life. 

The statue is even worse looking with John standing under it. His beautiful, flowing blue dress makes even the best statues here look like shit anyway. 

He turns and smiles your way, radiant compared to that douchebag stonefucker. 

“Hey,” You whisper at John. “That statue looks like you.” 

What can you honestly say for yourself? Just because you think John is pretty doesn’t mean you need to tell him that. Besides, the look on his face right now is too priceless to pass up 

“Oh my gosh Dave!” He says, laughing. “I don’t look that ugly, do I?” 

“The resemblance is uncanny, Egbert. Live with it.” 

You continue to tease John for as long as you can get away with, and after you’ve been fully informed by the Sapphire that you’re an asshole, you both decide that it’s time to keep moving. He’s acting playfully offended, saying that he’s not talking to you until you apologize. You then ask him if that was a promise. That earned you a few more minutes of adorable fuming on his part. 

Well, you use the term “fuming” pretty loosely, because you discover that whenever he gets worked up he starts to freeze the room on accident, as opposed to your literal fiery temper. You entertain yourself for a bit by watching a few gentle snowflakes flutter around him. 

You reach out a hand to catch a snowflake at the end of your finger. It’s small and fragile, as expected, but much colder than you thought it would be. You wipe your hand off and then try to catch one with your tongue. John is snickering at you, which you ignore in favor of continuing to catch ice crystals. They taste sweet. You like them. 

You find out why John is laughing so much when you feel a cold hand on the back of your neck. Scratch that, THIS SHIT IS FREEZING. 

“What the fuck, dude” you yell, voice breaking harshly as you swat his hand away. Your throat is killing you. Luckily, John doesn’t notice when you wipe blood away from your mouth. 

The Sapphire apologizes for making you yell, but still looks pretty happy about your reaction. John did mention earlier that he liked to prank people. Plus, you were more or less expecting Karma to kick you in the ass after comparing him to that Clod of a statue in the main hall. 

Although, John’s hand was so cold that you can’t help but feel bitter. You express this to him. 

“My cryokinesis can get a little out of hand sometimes.” He says while wiggling his eyebrows. You are unimpressed by the pun. “No but seriously, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Just let me know if it gets to be too much and I promise I’ll stop, okay?” You nod. 

He turns his back to you and focuses on making little piles of snow to play with. An idea pops into your head. Sweet, sweet revenge. 

You grab a handful of snow and shove it down the back of his dress. 

“Oh my stars!” He yelps. “That’s cold.” 

“No shit, princess. Now we’re even.” 

He laughs, and you both continue to pester each other for the next few hours. 

 

====> Dave: trip like a bitch and die 

You don’t die, but you’ll never guess what you can do instead! 

You and John had been walking for a while, and you’re starting to feel it in your legs. It’s making you a lot slower than usual. John had been glancing at you every now and again with a worried expression, and you know that he’s been discreetly trying to get you to slow your pace. Aside from that, he’s just about as lively as ever. 

Right now, John is telling you about his time outside of the gem colonies. 

“...Can you believe it? There were so many clouds! It was so beautiful. Oh, and there were so many animals that I’ve never seen before. Have you ever talked to a salamander? They don’t seem to be capable of speech, but they’re SO CUTE!” 

He’s talking at a million words per minute, plus he really seems to like those salamanders. You’re not one to interrupt that with a sob story. 

You lean against your katana and try to catch your breath a bit. John makes a disapproving noise in the back of his throat. 

“Dave, I think that you should sit down. You shouldn’t aggravate any injuries from earlier.” He says to you. You’re pretty out of it right now, so you don’t really register what John is doing. He was trying to gently move you to the floor. You keep trying to walk. 

Of course, your katana sheath gets caught on the bottom of John’s skirt, effectively throwing you off balance. 

You trip, nearly impaling yourself on your katana handle. It clatters to the floor, then disappears with a flash of light while you go down after it. You grunt as you fall forward onto your knee. It collides painfully with the marble flooring, sending jolts of pain up your leg. You feel a shout building in your throat that you suppress desperately. 

“DAVE! Are you okay?” yells the Sapphire. In seconds, he’s holding your frame steady with a surprisingly tight grip. You hear him fussing over you and it makes your face flush. John shouldn’t be thinking that you’re weak. That was just a fluke. You’re fine. 

Just then, your form loses stability and you disappear into your gem. 

====> John: freak out 

What the fuck? Gem. Not attached to Dave. How did this happen? Dave. Dave oh my God. He’s gone. That’s his. Dave’s gem is on the floor. 

You have never seen a gem without their... well, gem, attached to them. You didn’t think it was possible. Well, you guess it isn’t possible, because Dave is most definitely not here. Where is he if he’s not here? 

You might need to calm down. But now isn’t the time for calm! DAVE IS NOT CONNECTED TO HIS GEM. 

Okay, okay, think. What could have happened? You don’t think he could have gotten poofed. Could he? Oh gosh. What if he was? Gems could only be poofed after they’ve taken so much physical stress that their bodies can’t handle it anymore. Was Dave in that much pain? You really hope not. 

But, you did know that he had been seriously hurt before you met him in the training grounds. He had been trying to hide all of his bruising, but you could see it all over his arms and legs. Lash marks. 

You’re a fucking idiot! People don’t whip themselves! 

You’ve never liked the way that your peers treated the serving class, but this is crossing a new line. Assuming that all of this is true... has it really been happening this whole time? What about those other Rubies? What about Pearls, who have a lower status? You feel sick. 

But that’s all hypothetical right now, and holy shit, you almost forgot about Dave sitting over there on the floor. You scoop up his gem and look into it. He shouldn’t be in any pain, whether it’s because of his Agate or otherwise. He isn’t a shield. He’s just a person. 

You hold his gem close to your chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, and thanks for reading so far! It's been a pleasure writing for you over the past few days. I've been working every time that I have a free moment in order to start a regular upload pattern for anyone who's interested in following the story. If I keep it up the way I am now, you should get a new chapter every few days or so. This weekend will be really busy for me, but I'll still be trying my best to keep up the writing. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the support that I've already gotten. Please enjoy! If you have questions or suggestions, leave them in the comments for me. 
> 
> p.s: This is my first fic ever, so constructive criticism is appreciated!


	3. What the FLIPPIN FLAPJACKS is happening

Ch 3

====> John: check on Dave

Really? You know, this is starting to get kind of sad. You’ve already checked on Dave multiple times since sitting down. He’s probably not going to reform right away, you should give him some space.

But what if he needs you? You bargain with yourself.

Swallowing what little pride you had left, you shifted your gaze to the sparkling ruby lying in front of you. It hadn’t changed since you checked on it a few minutes ago. You really shouldn’t have expected anything else at this point!

You suddenly feel uncomfortable, so you fiddle with the hem of your skirt. It’s been a few days already. Why can’t Dave just come back? You grab his gem off of the pillow it was on to hold it up to the light. You miss him. He made you feel happy.

Moonlight glints through the Ruby, making it appear incandescent crimson.

A huge sigh exits your lungs, and you lay the gem back down next to you. You’re supposed to be at the seer’s fountain right now, probably to try to predict something. But you haven’t felt like doing much of anything since Dave disappeared.

You don’t really know him all that well, but it still affected you a lot when he was poofed. He had spent the whole day with you while trying to show you the Sapphire commons. It was a nice thing to do, you don’t just forget that. Plus you kind of feel responsible for him now, after taking care of his gem for so long.

You’ve been carrying Dave with you since the incident. It was a miracle that his Agate let you do it! You had begged her to let you take care of him for hours. She only relented once you started… ugh, flirting.

You suck at flirting. You also hate it with a passion.

Why is it that people have to make it so subtle? You’re a very oblivious guy, or so you’ve been told. There are a lot of things that you notice, but flirting is something that you apparently have no mind for whatsoever. It’s accidentally gotten you into so many awkward situations with people who thought you liked them just because you were being friendly. If you truly loved someone, you would either tell them or never utter a fucking word. You don’t play mind games with people.

Maybe that’s why you got along with Dave so well. He didn’t say much, but he was blunt about everything.

But that brings you back to his Agate. Why, _why,_ did she have to try to seduce you every time she saw you? You were running out of excuses to dodge her with. You only flirted back to help Dave. You didn’t mean to lead her on so much.

You would never go on a date with her, though. Ever!

She hurts her guards, you’re sure of it. You did some investigating a few days after Dave had gotten poofed. You saw that he hadn’t been the only Ruby with marks. It was so awful, the lashes on some of them. But none of them had compared to Dave’s.

You remember making up your mind when you saw their Agate summon a whip from her gem. The Rubies didn’t flinch, but they all looked tense. Even Dave seemed to react, despite being just a formless rock at the time. His gem had been glowing angrily, radiating heat from inside your dress pocket.

There has to be something that you can do for them. You decide that as soon as Dave’s ready, you’ll both get your acts together and kick her ass.

But for the time being, he’s still just a rock.

So! You roll yourself off of your bed, Dave still clasped in your palm as you walk to the bathroom. It’s late and you want to go to sleep, so that means that it’s time to get you both ready for bed.

You grumble as you grab some pajamas to change into. Dave’s gem glows unhappily when you tuck it inside your night shirt.

“Live with it, asshole!” you say to Dave. “I’m not going to leave you here for someone to take.”

He doesn’t respond. You mock his lack of response by sticking your tongue out. He still says nothing. Tough crowd

You get some weird looks from straggling Sapphires on your way. Well, you guess that was inevitable. Most gems don’t sleep. Or eat, or drink, or do anything fun whatsoever. You’ve been doing those things since you were little, and you’re not about to stop now. Hate if they will. They can pry sleep from your cold and shattered gem shards.

The bathroom is on the left-hand side, so you spin around to face the door and walk inside. There’s a huge bathtub full of steaming water inside, next to a counter and a mirror. Not the most extravagant set up you’ve ever seen, but at least you can wash up here. Some places you’ve been to don’t even have a bathroom! It’s gross. How can those people go so long without showering?

The counterspace is free, so you toss your clothes on top of it. You strip out of your dress to get in the bath. The water feels nice on your skin, so you inhale deeply and sink further down. It feels so good to be clean again!

You take some time to wash your hair, and in the meantime, you sing quietly in Dave’s direction. You’re not entirely certain that he can hear you. It’s the thought that counts, though.

But… you furrow your brow. Dave can’t _see_ you, right?

You’re suddenly glad that he is tucked safely in the pocket of your shirt.

You finish with your bath, toweling off quickly. It would be best to get out of here before midnight. There’s an unfortunate curse that comes with sleep; anything less than eight hours makes you feel like shit.

You try to grab your shirt, but suddenly you remember that Dave’s gem had been sitting on top of it. SHIT!

It clattered off of the counter, falling quickly towards the water basin. You jump back in a panic. The water probably won’t hurt him, but instinct kicks in. You throw out your hand.

“NO!” you yell.

A few seconds pass in silence. You don’t hear it hit the bottom, so you open your eyes tentatively.

Oh God damnit.

Dave’s gem is now frozen in the bathtub. Shit. Fuck. Why are you so dumb? You are the worst caretaker. It is you.

You suddenly see a light ruminating from the gem. It begins to take form, which is not good. You aren’t exactly presentable right now. Plus, he’s frozen in a block of ice. You try to think of what to do.

But just then, you feel a familiar pressure building up behind your eyes.

 

====> ???: See

The first thing that you feel is your glasses cutting into the side of your face. Are you lying on the floor? You’ve got to be. You feel like you would remember why, though.

Something makes a noise. It’s… you? You don’t understand what you’re looking at right now. You think it’s John, but then again, you’re supposed to be John.

“Who are you?” you ask. You don’t sound like John. Are you Dave?

Holy shit. You’re Dave.

That’s you… well, John, over there. He’s about to grab his shirt. You try to tell him not to do that, but you feel your stomach drop. Suddenly you’re hot. Then you’re very cold.

Wait, you’re not Dave anymore. You’re John again!

You feel really embarrassed for some reason. It’s peculiar, your cheeks are flushing as you pull your towel tight around you. What just happened? Nothing is really visible to you through the haze of the bathroom.

But you aren’t in the bathroom right now. You can’t be entirely certain, but you think that you’re in bed. Dave’s gem is glowing, warm in your arms. This is something that happened a few days ago. If you remember correctly, you had been singing to Dave before going to sleep.

Now you’re feeling kind of dizzy. You see your face, wait no, John’s face. Then you see your… Dave’s gem? Ugh! Whoever you are, you’re confused! It just keeps switching!

Now you’re looking up at the seer’s fountain. This has got to be one of John’s memories. You stubbornly decide to be John. But your hands are tinted pink. Isn’t that Dave’s skin tone? Whatever! You feel like John. BE JOHN!!!

You’re John. A sword is digging into your chest.

What?

Dave is a few feet away, and he’s scrubbing away tears. You see his arms shaking. He’s screaming. Screaming that it’s his fault.

Never mind, you don’t want to be John.

Your eyes are closed. You open them, but you don’t know who you are. Everything in the surrounding area is blue. What is this place?

Your chest is thumping. Who are you? Why are you here?

You look up, staring directly into the shining eyes of Blue Diamond.

 

====> Dave: worry

You’ve settled on being Dave for the time being. How are you?

Well, your ass is frozen in a block of ice, John is naked save for a towel, and you’re pretty certain that he’s being possessed by a demon or some shit. Could be worse.

No, but in all seriousness, you’re pretty confused.

He’s kind of just standing there with a complete deadpanned face. You would think he’s having some kind of crazy anxiety attack, but something tells you that isn’t it. His eyes are glowing. Whatever it is, you should probably get him to lay down. One problem: you’re still frozen in a block of ice.

Ordinarily that would pose no threat to you. Your pyrokinesis can melt just about anything if you try hard enough. The actual problem is that you’re completely suspended in the ice. You have no access to oxygen right now, which is pretty fucking necessary for the creation of fire.

Well there goes that plan. You just decide to watch John.

You had already known before you reformed that he would be naked. You can’t see anything inside your gem, but you can hear everything going on outside. It wasn’t a surprise when you reformed in the Sapphire’s bathroom. You were just going to cover your eyes if you happened to pop out here.

But this… you can’t quite say you were expecting. The ice thing. You guess that the reason why you reformed was from the shock of the temperature. You know that John didn’t do this to you on purpose though, considering how much he’d been cursing as you fell.

Ugh. Using your brain hurts too much, so you drift off into mindless daydreaming.

The wait continues.

 

 

====> John: snap out of it

“AAHHH!” You yell, pitching forward.

That was a vision! A terrifying one at that. You’re not sure if you should be celebrating or screeching.

You pat your body down. It’s okay, you’re John, not Dave. Being yourself is good. It’s grounding. Not that being Dave is a bad experience, though.

 That reminds you… Dave! Is he okay? You remember him falling off the counter. Oh shit‒ you just remembered freezing him!

Your fears are confirmed when you look at the bathtub.

Dave is suspended inside the ice, looking uncomfortable. He raises an eyebrow at you as if to say “you okay?”

You smack yourself in the forehead. The sudden movement causes your towel to start slipping off. Well, that’s one vision confirmed reality. Dave has closed his eyes. You can see red blooming on his face, and you feel it spreading in blue on yours. Why do you have to be such a klutz?

Quickly jumping into your pajamas, you scurry over to where Dave is. His eyes aren’t closed anymore, but he still seems like he would like to forget that incident. The feeling is very mutual.

You tap on the surface to get his attention. You mime hitting the block and then give a thumbs up, with a questioning look on your face. _Do you want me to break it for you?_

He can’t really do anything to confirm or deny, so you get ready to break it anyway. You position your hand over his torso and focus your magic on trying to deconstruct the ice. It crackles, then starts disappearing.

As soon as Dave is mildly exposed, a pillar of fire explodes upwards and melts all the ice around him. He’s now floating in the center of the basin, looking tired.

“Dave!” You say, throwing yourself over him, then wrapping your arms around him and ruffling his hair. You’re just so happy that he’s alive!

He accepts the hug sheepishly. “Missed me, Egbert?”

You punch him in the shoulder lightly. “Duh!” You exclaim. “Never do that again! Please, just tell me when you’re feeling bad. I would so much rather take care of you for a day or two than your unspeaking gem for two weeks!” Tears are brimming at the corners of your eyes. Dave’s usual pokerface falters when he sees them, and he wipes one away with his thumb.

“Yeah, I get the gist. So anyway, what was that back there? You looked pretty out of it.” Dave says quietly.

“I got a vision! It happens sometimes, though usually not in the bath. Heh.” You decide to leave out the weird parts of it. You can tell that some of it had been a potential future, one that you don’t really want to think about right now. But the rest of it were memories. Your memories, and some from Dave’s perspective. Sharing memories is not really something that new friends talk to each other about.

“Yeah, just don’t do it again. Or at least not when I’m stuck in a block of ice.” Dave retorts.

The temperature of the room drops slightly when you blush.

“Come on, I’m tired. Let’s finish getting you ready and hit the hay.” Dave says.

“Wait up,” You say to him. “You know what’s going on? I thought I’d have to fill you in.” You were kind of hoping that he wouldn’t remember.

“I can hear and feel everything that happens to me in that form.” Says Dave.

You feel faint. You’ve been singing to him every night. You also slept with him in your arms, kept him in your pocket, talked to him, etc.

All those times that you imagined his gem was glowing in response, it really was? You can’t believe you’ve done so many embarrassing things!

The water starts to freeze again, which Dave notices as he drags you both out of bath.

“Hold your horses! We’re not going to do this another time tonight. It’s nearly two o’clock in the morning, and I know you like to sleep. Get your shit together, John.” You feel heat radiating off of his skin to counter the gradual freezing of the room.

You try to protest, but he’s too strong. There’s no point in trying to argue with him right now. You can yell at him more for being stupid in the morning. He has started to dry you off with his fire powers, hovering his warm hands over your body like a blow dryer. The heat is making you sleepy, and you were already emotionally drained, so you think he may be right. It’s time for bed.

Dave mumbles to you about random garbage he thought up while stuck inside his gem. It’s a sort of constant thrum in the background as you both polish your gems in the bathroom mirror. He seems satisfied with the way you’ve taken care of his, even though he would probably never admit it to you.

You both make your way back to your room, although this time, you’re the one leading Dave. He’s scratching his hair while you walk.

When you get to the room, neither of you say anything. You gesture halfheartedly to the bed. He shrugs and climbs in. You get in as well, facing away from him timidly. Dave doesn’t notice your shyness though, and cuddles up to you the same way that you held him in gem form.

You guess you could live with this.


	4. A liberal dosage of crow abuse

====> Kanaya: Prepare To Infiltrate The Manor

Your name is Kanaya Maryam, and you are getting ready for the biggest revolution in gem history. Rose has been training you for this moment ever since you both left the royal court, and you’re not going to mess this up for her. Success in the early stages of her plan is imperative. Without it, everything that she’s worked for will be utterly meaningless.

You won’t let that happen.

Rose is sitting in the center of your base, immersed in a black pentagram while deep in meditation. You can’t let her hear you right now. Even though she is very excited for the heist, she would most likely tell you to leave the finer details of mission preparation until tomorrow, and to get some sleep. You don’t really like to sleep. It isn’t necessary. However, it does make Rose happy when you rest, so of course you would have to relent if she asked.

What you’re attempting to do right now is look for a suitable weapon for tomorrow. Possible strifing is imminent, and it is best to be prepared. Your trusty chainsaw may yet accomplish what you need. If only you can recall where you put it...

Ah yes, it must be inside your gem. 

You reach your arms to the pearl inlaid in your forehead, drawing power to retrieve what you desire. Your chainsaw gracefully appears in your hands. 

Stuffing it in your bag, you search for one last item that you may need. Can’t leave out medical supplies!

You place a roll of bandages inside, feeling satisfied with your actions. This will most definitely help with chainsaw wounds. You are quite certain.

The light in the room flickers softly, emanating from the candles scattered around Rose’s figure. She must almost be finished with her ritual. It’s good that you’ve finished packing, in that case.

Rose’s face is peaceful in the near darkness. The only light in the base comes from the ritual candles, so it makes her appear even more godlike than it should. She is the light in the dark, your Polaris, the star that guides you to move forward when hope is lost.

Rose is your love. You would do anything for her, and if that includes overthrowing the most powerful intergalactic government in existence, so be it. 

She can consider it done.

====> Kanaya: Be The Other Guy

You are now the other guy. John Egbert is your current identity, and you’re cuddled up in a pile of blankets at the edge of the training arena, watching Dave fight.

He’s going up against a Jasper (that he’s apparently very close with) called Dirk. They like to spar every now and again as friendly competition, and who are you to stop them from having fun?

You actually kind of wanted to join them, but both Dave and Dirk were very quick to say no. Dave didn’t want you to get hurt. He knows that you are pretty tough, but Dirk is a fucking powerhouse, or so he says. The fussing was cute, so you gave in and just watched on the sidelines. 

They’d been going at it for the better part of the day. The sun is starting to dip behind the trees, making the whole sky a brilliant shade of orange over their heads. It’s actually quite beautiful. 

You’re a sucker for Earth’ beauty. It’s a planet so far unrivaled in your mind by the hundreds of others you’ve seen before this, and that’s saying a lot! The universe is very big. But somehow, since arriving on Earth, you can’t think of a planet where you would rather be. 

It’s been pretty cool showing Dave around, so far. You couldn’t believe that he’d never been outside of the gem colony before, and as soon as you knew about it, you BEGGED his Agate to let you appoint him as your personal guard. There is no way that you would let him go without ever seeing the forest! Or the mountains and lakes. Oh, how wonderful the snow is...

Whoops! You’re off track again.

Anyway, the point is that you really love to show your friend how beautiful the Earth is. He might not be as excited about it as you are, but he still lets you drag him everywhere! That’s a feat in and of itself. 

You’re suddenly brought back to reality by the taunting laughter coming from Dirk. It’s actually not much of a laugh, but more like a dark chuckle as he stares down Dave. Dave is on the floor, breathing harshly.

“Not fair dude... I want,” He gasps for air. “A rematch!”

“No.” Says Dirk, already walking off of the battlefield. Dave looks mad, but you can tell that it’s mostly a façade. He’s tired. 

Dirk takes a huge swig out of a water bottle on the side of the court, tossing it to Dave when it’s half empty. Dave snatches it out of the air to start chugging it down. 

Apparently, neither of them had ever tried drinking water before you’d told them about it. You thought that that was super weird. How do you just “never drink water”? You had introduced them to it shortly after viewing their first strife, and they’d been bringing a jug to their matches ever since.

Dave trudges over to where you are. Dirk usually fucks off to God knows where, so you don’t really bother asking what he’s doing. Dave plops down in the dirt next to you.

His face is flushed red, (Well, redder than usual. He is a Ruby after all.) sweat matting down most of his clothes. Even his sword looks worse for wear, being covered in scratches and dents. It’s in dire need of a sharpening.

“Hey John,” He pants. “Can you help a dude out with your ice thingamajig? I’m roasting over here.”

You laugh. “Sure, just give me a sec.”

You untangle yourself from your mass of blankets, setting them aside in favor of turning to Dave. He’s relaxing against the wall with his face turned away from you. You carefully shift his jaw with your hand, making (at least his shades) look in your direction. “You should really stop fighting so much, Dave. It looks like fun, but maybe you should keep the sparring down to just a few hours in a week.”

He sighs into the cooling touch of your palm as soon as you activate your cryokinesis. “No can do, Egbert. Gotta keep in shape if I’m gonna protect your scrawny ass from monsters.”

“I can protect myself just fine!” You pout.

“Then what was with that whole freak out over a snake the other day? It didn’t do nothin’ to ya, and you still had your panties in a twist.”

“THE SNAKE WAS IN MY DRESS, DAVE.”

“Same difference.”

You shove your icy hand down his tank top and revel in his screeches.

Eventually, you manage to stop fighting with Dave for long enough to finishing cooling him off. He’s acting really bitter about your shenanigans. You find this undeniably funny.

“What, Dave? You think you’re too  _cool_ for practical jokes?” 

“Fuck off, John.”

“I don’t know, I thought it was a really _ice_  time.”

“Oh my God.”

“Do you just not  _snow_  how to handle it?”

By the time you get back into the Manor, Dave is close to tears. You can’t quite tell if it’s from holding in laughter or if it’s incredible frustration about puns, but either one seems like a job well done for you.

“You really suck at making puns, John. You should hear mine. Mine are  _fire_.”

“Whatever you say-” You suddenly get the joke. “Godamnit, Dave!”

Dave starts laughing at an almost audible level, which is his social equivalent of falling on the floor from laughing too hard. You sigh. Puns are a very delicate form of comedy, and the delivery makes or breaks the joke. Dave delivered his too flat. But then again, you guess he deserves a break. You’ve been a little  _cold_  to him.

You relay the information to Dave, at which point he stops laughing to stare dramatically at the sky.

 “I. I really dislike you. Like, that’s a lot of dislike, John. You have no fuckin’ clue. It’s like a venue where your puns are playing, and my dislike is the insane number of fans. The seats have been sold out since months before the concert, John. Your puns are that bad. They suck. You suck.”

This has been the most successful line of puns you have ever come up with! You’re overjoyed by his apparent hatred.

You skip happily next to Dave while you both walk. Little snow clouds have been gathering around you, sending fluffy ice crystals swirling around your arms. Dave notices them absently, just brushing them off his shoulders if they build up too much. He’s gotten used to it after spending the past two weeks with you.

Unfortunately, there were some people who were not quite used to it yet. Those people are namely crows.

What you’ve discovered by being with Dave so much is that whenever it’s possible for a crow to be near him, it will be there. They follow him through the windows of the Manor, flying to wherever he decides to go. They never enter the Manor. You don’t think they’re allowed to do that. They just perch wherever is within eyesight of him from outside.

It’s a completely different story when he’s out of the Manor, though. When he took you to the battlefield for the first time, you wasted nearly fifteen minutes trying to convince the crows to leave him alone to no avail. It was actually pretty funny. He would get smothered by them whenever he spread his arms out. They would fight to perch there, ending up in this huge pile of angry, jealous birds on top of Dave.

They weren’t quite as overbearing today. Only a few of them were tagging along in his general vicinity, although you could see the rest of the flock watching you from the trees. They had creepy eyes.

But anyway, the crows that were hopping along after your friend didn’t like your snow all that much. The one perched on Daves shoulder snapped at the snowflakes with its beak every now and again. Dave was too busy chastising your shitty puns to notice.

Sometimes, you really liked hanging out with Dave. Who else do you know that has a crow army at their disposal? Exactly. Nobody. 

“Puns aside, Egbert, do you know what the agenda is for tomorrow?” He flicks his crow disdainfully, probably for trying to attack the snow clouds. 

You stop skipping, trying to recall what the imperial pearl had mentioned this morning. “Uh... I think I’m supposed to do another fountain sitting. After that, she said to meet with the head of staff here for insight on possible traitors.”

“Dang, they’ve got you busy. Is it always like this when you’re on missions?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, by the way,” He says, continuing his swatting at the crow. “How are you gonna predict if someone is a possible traitor? You’ve been here for weeks and you still have nothing for Blue Diamond. There’s no way that you can do like, 500 predictions in one day.”

You know he’s right, but it still stings you a bit when he mentions the predictions thing. He picked that up quickly...

“Yeah, I kind of suck at normal divination. But I’m well known for my tarot readings! They don’t really predict huge events, but they do reveal minor courses of action, and the mentalities of certain individuals. It’s good enough for a simple routine check, at least.”

The crow squawks loudly, waving its wings. Dave nonchalantly picks it up and chucks it behind him. 

“Sounds good.” Dave states.

You glance back, wondering what happened to the bird. It seems to have accepted its grim fate, flapping pathetically in the snow you’ve left over there. The other birds have formed a circle around their rumpled buddy. A particularly large crow is cawing a eulogy. 

Crows are so melodramatic. You know that the bird is still alive, they’re just trying to get Dave’s attention. Fucking needy bastards.

You’re both nearing the entrance to the Manor when you hear the unmistakable sound of flashstepping. Dave has unsheathed his katana, but it’s a little too late, because you’ve already been hoisted into the air by a strong pair of orange tinted arms. 

“Dirk, put me down!” You insist.

He smirks, although you can’t see it. Dave grumbles at him.

“Nice job at the field today, little bro. Keep up the good work.” Dirk says.

“Couldn’t you have done this earlier?”

“Nope. Have to keep you on your toes.”

Dave waves his arm to scare a crow away from his katana. It tries to flutter to Dave’s head instead, but Dirk just shifts you to one arm and punches it flying. You wince at the startled squawk.

“What do you really want, Dirk? I know that this can’t be for fun. You aren’t the congratulatory type.” Dave says, frowning. You feel the rumble of Dirk’s voice as he chuckles.

“Glad you’re catching on, kid. You can’t equip something to your strife specibus and your sylladex, too.”

Dave scoffs. “How does that apply to this situation?”

 “It probably doesn’t.” You can practically hear his shit-eating grin. “Do I look like a fucking fortune cookie to you?” Dirk says, planting a kiss on your cheek. You push him a bit, too annoyed by the contact to notice Dave seething with suppressed rage. A crow near Dave’s feet spontaneously bursts into flame.

“Goodness, would you look at the time! It’s fuck-o'clock at night and I need my established two hours of beauty sleep.” He turns to stare down Dave. “Catch.”

Oh. Of course, he’s dropping you from the top of the Manor. Typical Dirk.

The wind just barely starts rushing through your hair before Dave is wrapping you close to his chest. He does a parkour flip off the wall, kicks a passing crow, and then landing in a low stance. He then places you gently on the ground. His moves were impressive, honestly. Impressive enough that you don’t have the heart to tell him about your floating powers.

 Dirk had mentioned that he was probably going to pull this stunt on Dave at some point and had made sure that you had a possible way of surviving, should he fuck up. He’s definitely a dick, but at least the guy has something that loosely resembles morality.

Dave swears enough to impress Billie Joe Armstrong while he watches Dirk flashstep over the skyline. He throws a rock at the ground, then another rock, and then a very crispy looking crow. Finally, Dave turns to you.

“You okay?” He says. You can tell that he’s flustered, because actually sounds really concerned.

“I’m fine. Come on, let’s get you inside. Don’t let Dirk get you down. He was just playing jokes!”

“Yeah, jokes that could’ve hurt you. It wasn’t funny.” He huffs.

“Lighten up a bit. C’mere.” You say, squishing him into a hug. Dave stiffens, but lets you run your course. You smile brightly at him before running over to open the door to the Manor.

“Come on! If we hurry, we can still grab some late-night cookies from Jane!”

“I thought you hated those.”

“They’re for you, dumbass.”

You and Dave then go inside, feeling warm and happy and ready for some video gaming together. Both of you pointedly ignore the thick smack of a crow into the door.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to you, the violet eyes of the rebellion are watching you from the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Sorry for the short chapter. I promise I'll work on some longer ones for you guys!  
> By the way, shout out to Imagination Tier and Muffin for the continuous support!


	5. Ohgodwhat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So I've been really busy recently with school, but I'm still working hard at this story, trust me! This chapter is really, really short. I will probably update it to be longer in a day or so, but I wanted to get out some content to show you guys that I'm still here. Constructive criticism is still welcome! Thank you for reading!

====> Dave: sleep on it

Your name is Dave Strider, and you’re more comfortable than you’ve ever been, which is why something is probably going to go very wrong soon. 

There’s no real reason for the paranoia. Everything has been fine since you and John got into the Manor. You got to play video games with him, steal a shit ton of cookies from Jane, and harass Dirk some more when you finally caught up to him. You had been fucking pissed at Dirk for his terrible teasing earlier (especially since it could have hurt John), so you were nothing but pumped for a chance to get revenge. 

Oh boy, did you get some sweet payback.

It just so happened that you and John had encountered a gem named Jake while you both were messing around in the staff room. Jake, you see, is the perfect model gem: Smart, athletic, and good with guns. He has a natural knack for adventure. He is also the subject of Dirk’s loud and annoying wet dreams that you can hear through the fucking wall. 

You knew that Dirk had been head over katana for that Emerald since they met on a mission a few months ago. It was not only apparent by how much he drooled whenever Jake walked by in his tight shorts, but also by how Dirk would switch from friendly sparring to motherfucking death matching whenever he was there to watch you guys fight. Dirk wanted to impress him.  _Badly_. 

Unfortunately for the innocent emerald, that made him the perfect contestant for some good old-fashioned sexual humiliation, starring the one and only Dirk Strider the dick rider.

John had actually been the one to suggest the prank. You had no idea that he was even capable of thinking of a something that dirty, but he actually has a pretty harsh side that you hadn’t anticipated. The fire that was in his eyes is still clear in your mind, and you make a mental note not to get on his bad side.

Poor Jake. He didn’t deserve what you guys did to him, even if it was hilarious. 

The real risk factor in John’s plan was what he considered the crucial item: alcohol. Jake might be 6”2, but he was scrawny as  _hell._ Anything remotely resembling alcohol would get him wasted in just a few minutes. You were concerned about that. You like pranks but putting a drunk dude on display without his consent would be pushing it too far. 

Fortunately for you and John, your friend Jane knows both Dirk and Jake pretty well. She told you that Jake apparently had no qualms about being naked in front of Dirk. You really didn’t want to know that information, but whatever. It allowed you to proceed, and that’s all there is to it. 

Jane had introduced you to a friend of hers named Roxy. She’s a Rubellite who you learned has an extensive knowledge on how to get people drunk. She covered the first part of your plan.

The last part was taken care of by a Peridot who’d been listening in on the security cameras. His name is Sollux, and he told you that he was super bored and felt like helping. Peridots are useful for this kind of stuff because of their psionic powers, or so he says. You think he was just trying to get Dirk back for spilling coffee on the Manor's server a few weeks ago. 

But you're getting off topic. The plan went flawlessly, and by the end of the hour Jake was stark-naked, slightly intoxicated, and rutting up against Dirk inside of a broom closet, flirting relentlessly. Dirk was probably as hard as a _rock_ (You internally shun yourself, That was not necessary).The real catcher was that Dirk couldn’t escape until you felt like releasing him, because Sollux was holding the door with his psi. You guess he's useful for something.

Dirk’s face was glowing so brightly orange by the time he got out of there that you were pretty sure he would have made a decent replacement for the sun. Never have you been part of a funnier prank. John seemed to feel a little bad, but the guilt wore off when Jake sobered up and told him it was alright. 

But that’s all over now. Everyone had wearily trudged off in their separate ways. Roxy went to go and help Jake through his mild hangover, Jane went to continue baking, and Sollux... was doing Sollux things, you guess. He just disappeared. The last that you’d heard of Dirk before turning in for the night with John was that he had gone outside to throw himself into a nearby lake.

Right now, you and John are both snuggled against each other at the edge of his favorite couch in the grand foyer. He had been pretty tired after the whole ordeal, even if he was really proud for pulling it off. John rambled to you for a bit while you absently started stroking his hair. You can hear his words start to trail off. His head is drooping onto your shoulder drowsily, and if you couldn’t see his eyes half-lidded you would think that he was fast asleep. John’s all ruffled nicely, his hair soft against your skin while he reclines. It’s rather endearing to watch him like this. 

Sleep wasn’t too much of a foreign concept to you. Rubies need a lot of rest, what with the vigorous training you’re usually subjected to. Shut-eye tended to be welcome in that line of work. However, you didn’t do it every night until you started watching over John. 

He made a lot more of an event out of it than you did. John likes to take a bath, get on pajamas, and cuddle up in a lot of blankets before he goes to sleep. The whole process makes him a little bit woozy and contented, which you assumed helps him fall asleep faster. You can’t think of another good reason for the routine. You’ve got to hand it to John there, his routine makes you feel a lot more comfortable than yours ever did. Most of the gems who sleep just collapse in an area where they feel safe. (Only high-class gems really have enough time for sleep in general, but lower-class gems are the only ones who would dare to actually do it. Mostly because nobody gives a shit about dignity when they’re worked half to death.)

But you digress. John is in your arms, close to unconsciousness. 

You shift to lean a little bit more against him. He’s warm, surprisingly. John’s skin is usually pleasantly cold. Right now, it feels burning hot against you. Not in a bad way.

His arms tighten around you, and he’s mumbling softly into your chest. You just continue to smooth back his hair. It’s time for you to get him to bed. But... do you really want to move? It’s nice here. And John is just so warm. 

Your train of thought is interrupted by John yawning loudly. He nuzzles his face against your chest pleasantly, and that’s it. You’ve lost all your willpower to move. It’s like that feeling when a dog is asleep on your foot or some shit. It’s illegal to do anything that would wake the dog. Fuck. He’s so fucking cute. How is he so soft and adorable at the same time? And so  _warm_? You cannot stress that enough. It’s not fair. It’s not fair! You feel your brain short circuiting, just repeating John, John,  _John_ , over and over again.

God, you're such a dweeb! And you had been making fun of Dirk for being so sappy. Hypocrite.


	6. Sollux needs new hobbies and Dirk screams for like 7 hours straight

Ch 6 

====> Dirk: sulk 

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you need to make one thing clear: You are the coolest motherfucker to grace this planet. 

No questions. You are the shit. 

That’s why you, said coolest motherfucker, are sitting at the bottom of a lake. It’s great down here. Nice acoustics. Great neighbors. This is obviously the coolest place for a cool guy like you to be sitting coolly. 

This lake is the one that you always turn to when you need to remember just how cool you are. The water doesn’t judge people, and neither do the fish. They kinda just swim around blowing bubbles and shit. Sometimes they like to swim around through your hair, which is half annoying and half adorable. 

You’ve been staring at the surface for a while now, long enough that you think it’s approaching dawn. Jake would have been back on the job for hours. That kid is so fucking resilient. He could probably shoot a moving target dead center while totally inebriated. 

Thinking about it makes you feel like a kid with a pathetic schoolboy crush. But not thinking about it leads to a much worse road. The other thing. 

Ergo, the reason why you’re pissed at Dave. The reason why your skinny jeans feel just a bit too fucking tight today. Jake was naked. In front of you. That was a thing that happened. A very weird thing. A bad thing. Fuck. 

JAKE IS HOT! 

And gosh darn it if you’re not going to ignore that sentiment for as long as you possibly can, preferably under water where no one can see you. 

It feels like your head has been spinning since you saw him today. Maybe that’s strange, but it shouldn’t be. Jake is so perfect in every way. You almost feel like you wouldn’t be able to keep up with it. 

You’re rude. Your language is vulgar. You never leave your quarters without a knife or some shitty fucking ninja sword to beat your little bro half to death with, or one of those creepy-ass puppets he hates. Why would Jake want anything to do with you? 

Jake is just... way out of your league, and that’s saying a lot. 

He’s a lot smarter than you are. You are pretty intelligent, (or at least you like to think that) but that’s only on the battlefield. Video games, sword matches, and snappy comebacks come totally natural to you. But Jake can do so much better. He can understand people! And not just how to manipulate them. He doesn’t need intricate planning to make friends the way that you do. He just fuckin’ does it. It’s mind blowing. 

The one thing that you’ve never been able to understand about him is the fact that he tried to befriend you first. Jake still persistently tries to talk to you. He asks you places, shows you things that he likes, and as of recent, been locked naked in a closet with you. What the FUCK. 

Why would Jake, of all people, want to be friends with you? 

 

====> Sollux: do Sollux things, you guess 

You stop being Dirk just in time to start being Sollux. 

Right now, you’re sitting in a cave at the bottom of the lake, watching Dirk. He looks pretty fuckin’ shaken up about that prank from earlier. You can’t say you care all that much, but his sporadic screaming is starting to get on your nerves. 

So, why exactly are you at the bottom of the lake? You work at the tech department. This is kind of the opposite of where you would normally be. What gives? 

Well you have a very simple and self-indulgent answer to that. You are stalking your crush. 

That’s right. You have no shame. 

There’s one pretty gem that you have your eye on, and she lives down here. She’s a rare gem, a purple Lapis Lazuli. One of the most prized to hold in court. But you’re not really all that interested in her social status, you’re more interested in nabbing a date with her. That’s why you’re trying to find where her caves are, so you can spy on them to get some ideas on how to approach them. 

You tend to spy on just about everyone. You’re in charge of the security cameras aboveground, so it’s pretty hard to not see something weird every now and again. But your security cameras can only do so much. They cannot go underwater, (yet, you’re working on that) so you need to do personal investigation if you want to find out anything that happens in this branch of the manor. 

Dirk doesn’t seem to realize that there are people who live down here. You decide it’s funnier that way and continue your search while ignoring Dirk’s loud pining. 

This isn’t the first time that you’ve come down here, thank God. You had to be escorted the first few visits. Having body guards makes sneaking around a lot harder than it has to be. You’re pretty lucky in that department. You may be tall, but you’re thin and agile, which makes it really easy to dart around. 

You duck under a small bed of kelp, looking for a good area of cover a little further ahead. The grotto where your crush likes to hang out is just a few minutes onward. 

You’ve never really tried to watch anyone this closely so late at night. You vaguely wonder what she does during these hours, as most gems are relieved of daily duties while the sun is down. She probably doesn’t play video games. 

Suddenly, you see a small, pink fish dart through your peripheral vision. That’s one of her pets. She’s gotta be somewhere nearby. 

You peer around the corner and immediately rush towards a rock pile a few feet. There she is. Your heart feels like it’s about to beat out of your chest. 

She’s beautiful. That’s Feferi, the girl of your dreams. 

She appears to be asleep, which you were most definitely not expecting. Feferi is so royal that you never expected that she would be caught sleeping. By a Peridot, no less. It’s kind of exciting. And she looks so cute! 

You can see her hair fluttering around her, giving her a purple aura in the light of the bioluminescent fish swimming through it. You want to put your hands through it. It looks soft. 

Well, you might as well get comfortable behind these rocks. A lifetime of staring at people through cameras has taught you patience. As long as Feferi doesn’t move from where she is, you won’t have to either, and you can swoon in peace. 

You pursue this pastime for about a half an hour before you hear something behind you. Startled, you spin around, and then stumble backwards with a squeak. 

An angry looking gem stands behind you, bearing a large purple cape, a flowing scarf, and thick hipster glasses. 

“Wwhat are you doin’?” He asks of you, kicking a stray rock. 

“II- Uh, how... II” You stutter hopelessly. “Why would you want two know, lo2er?” 

The figure scowls. “Because this is my fuckin’ grotto, and you don’t look like you belong here, landwweller.” He shoves a finger into your chest, shoving you backwards. 

“II wa2 just pa22ing through. Don’t get your pantiie2 iin a twi2t.” 

“My panties remain thankfully untwwisted, jerkface.” 

“That’2 the 2ingle lamest thiing you could have saiid iin re2pon2e.” 

The stranger sighs heavily, crossing his arms around his chest. “Wwhatevver, I don’t really care wwhy you’re here. Just don’t disturb Feferi, or I’ll kill you.” 

“You’re overdramatiic.” You taunt. 

“Maybe. But really, just leavve her alone. She’s been really tired recently. She doesn’t need some random Peridot stalking her while she sleeps.” 

Your face flushes. “Fiine. II wa2 goiing to leave anyway.” You push him aside, and he scoffs as you storm past him. 

“No, you wweren’t.” You hear him whisper behind you. 

Ugh. What a douchebag. You’re going to have to be careful when you come down here so that you don’t have to run into him again. 

 

====> Dirk: get it together, man 

Once you see the sun start to come up, you take it as your cue to get on your feet. Shit needs to be done and it won’t do itself. 

You’ve been sulking for literal hours, which is your longest record yet. It would be time to celebrate if you didn’t feel so shitty. No matter how long you screamed into the water, you couldn’t get Jake off of your mind and out of your heart. You swear it’s like a fucking anime up in here. 

You’re tired of sulking. It’s pretty early in the morning right now, but maybe the kitchens would be open, so you can grab a cup of motherfucking coffee. 

You emerge from the lake, squinting into the sunlight peeking over the horizon. It’s so bright. You decide it’s too early for poetic sunrise shit and saunter to the back doors of the mansion. However, you stop just before walking inside to look at the ground. 

It appears that a set off dripping footprints were mingling with your own. Based on how much water was swimming around in each footprint, you’d say that they were pretty recent. That’s kind of weird. You don’t remember hearing anyone follow you into the lake. 

Disregarding the doors for a minute, you start following the footsteps out to the lake again. They seem pretty hurried, just based on depth and distance apart. You’re not quite sure what to make of them yet. Suddenly, you hear a gurgling sound coming from the water and turn to check the source. 

“Oh, hey Eridan.” 

“Good mornin’.” He says, frowning at the sun. You can relate. “Havve you seen anyone around here?” 

“No,” You reply while poking at a footprint in the mud. “But I did find these footprints a few minutes ago. I didn’t realize that someone else was in the lake last night.” 

“Someone else? Wwhy wwhere you swwimmin’ yesterday?” He gets out of the water, ringing out his giant cape. 

“I was doing routine checks.” You lie. 

“Bullshit. Wwe both knoww that you’re too lazy to do that, Dirk. You nevver help me wwith the lake rounds.” 

“Fine. It was none of your business, then.” 

“Okay, I don’t care. Anyway, about those footprints,” He points to them disdainfully. “There wwas someone from the tech department dowwn under last night. I think those belong to him.” 

“Really? Why the fuck was the tech department in the lake last night?” 

“To disturb the glubbin’ peace? I don’t knoww. He wwas just standin’ around making heart eyes at Fef.” Eridan frowns at his soaking outfit, picking at a loose thread. 

“I’ll check it out later today. Do you think he knows that she has a girlfriend?” You ask. 

“Probably not.” 

“Hm.” 

You guys chat idly for a few more minutes, but then Eridan remembers that he has a meeting to get to, and you remember your insane coffee craving. He waves at you when you part ways, although it doesn’t look like his heart is in it. Eridan has just been looking really sad recently. You suppose you can’t judge him, because you did spend an entire night screaming outside his house. Touche. 

You whistle as you enter the Manor, hoping to find Dave and whoop his ass. He embarrassed you in front of Jake. Not cool, man. 

But you don’t find Dave in the optimal position for fighting. Standing in the Grand Foyer, you see him and John intertwined on the couch. John looks like he’s in fucking heaven. It’s almost too cute to look at, and you feel sick from the sweetness of his expression. Disgusting. 

Dave looks like he’s going to shoot you if you wake John. You smirk at him and he flips you off. What a fuckwad. You’ll deal with him later, as your bullshit meter has run out for the day (which is surprising, since the day officially started about 10 minutes ago). 

It’s time for you to confront the tech department, you guess.


	7. Kanaya engages in voyeurism

====> Kanaya: Hack the security cameras 

Despite your previous worries, breaking into the Earth base turned out to be quite simple. 

There was practically no opposition. You only had to slip through a window in the Sapphire’s corridor that was left carelessly open, make your way to the tech room, and then watch and wait. 

What you’ve been waiting for is an opportunity to use “The Gemini”. “The Gemini” is a huge monitor at the furthermost corner of the room that controls all of the security functions in this building. It holds multitudes of data transmitted directly from the base near the constellation of Castor and Pollux, which should be holding everything that you and Rose will need to bring the diamond empire to its knees. 

However, there is one issue that comes with this data mine. The technician who is assigned to this base has yet to leave since your arrival. 

It’s almost admirable, in a strange way. He almost never takes his eyes off of the computer. Every few minutes, you watch as he takes notes in a small window on his desktop. You shouldn’t be fooled by his illusion of productivity, though. The only other tab on “The Gemini” seems to be some sort of program for creating annoying pop up ads. 

The guard (whose name you discovered to be Sollux) only leaves his desk for two reasons, either to record some music for one of his viruses or to check on his bees. You saw him playing the saxophone not too long ago, and he actually is quite good at it. The music is pleasant enough. Although, he was playing to an entire colony of bees in an empty tech lab, so you might have to question his sanity. 

Sollux spent most of the afternoon today recording an audio file labeled “Ya Like Jazz?”. It consists solely of him trying to play the trombone with his nose while kicking a desk drawer. 

He seems interesting. 

Regardless, you are getting anxious for him to leave so that you can carry on with your task. There’s only so much that you can do for this operation without access to the Gemini database. You watch in mild distaste while Sollux bass-boosts his audio, presumably to make it more obnoxious. He is succeeding. 

There’s not much else for you to do right now, so you decide to make a quick check of the building to see what’s happening elsewhere. 

You slowly crawl through the air vents. The noise from outside echoes through the metal and courses through your knees and palms, creating an unpleasant sensation. Conversations drift in and out of earshot while you move, and you take note of what they talk about just in case you may need it. 

People don’t seem to realize how unsafe they could be, just spouting information for anyone to hear. You could recreate the Rubies’ training schedule from memory now. If someone leaks just a little more detail about the hand servants, then you will have a complete inventory of all the working staff here. It’s the little things that you learn make a big difference when staking out new territory. 

You slip down a shaft on your left-hand side, turning your head to a small grate overlooking a grand corridor. There are a few gems scattered here and there that you watch with interest. Who are they? 

Looking closer, you can see that there’s quite the commotion going on. 

A tall Purple Sapphire is walking quickly down the hallway, leaving wet footprints in his wake. He seems to be pursuing the figure in front of him, who is crying loudly into her palms. She turns around and shoves the Sapphire roughly. He stumbles back. 

“Fef, don’t do this. I’m sorry that you’re angry, but wwe can wwork this out amicably.” 

“S)(ARK S)(IT!” she screams. “YOU DON’T EVEN CARE!!!” 

He frowns. “Of course I care about you, Fef. I was just busy wwith meetings is all. I swwear it’s not as big of a deal as you think.” 

“Not a big deal. NOT A BIG D-EAL? YOU GLUBBING FI-END! T)(is is t)(e t)(ird time t)(at you’ve canceled our plans, -Eridan! I told you t)(at we needed to spend more time toget)(er, and all you did was IGNOR-E M-E!” 

She pushes his shoulders again and tries to throw a punch at him, though it weakly deflects off of his collar. She tries a few more times but ends up just sobbing against his shoulder. 

“... This isn’t about me, is it, Fef?” 

A shaky cry emits from her, and she wraps her arms around the Sapphire. He does what he can to comfort her by tucking her under his grand (if soaking wet) cloak. 

“I-I just miss )(er so muc)(, glub! I feel like I )(aven’t seen )(er in forever! What if s)(e’s forgotten about me?” She whimpers. “Everyone forgets about me!” 

‘Eridan’, you suppose, looks troubled at that. He scoops her up into a proper hug. “No one could evver forget about you, Fef. Least of all me. I truly am sorry that I’vve ben absent recently, but please knoww that I wwould nevver abandon our friendship wwithout talking wwith you first. Neither wwould Jade. She lovves you just as much if not more than I do.” 

“I know, glub. It’s just hard sometimes.” 

“She’ll come back one day.” 

They sit there in the hallway for a while, and you stop watching. You know exactly the feeling of doubting yourself in a relationship. Perhaps if you have the time tonight, you will check for her girlfriend’s whereabouts on The Gemini. It might ease her sorrows some. 

But you digress. It is time to move on. 

You scramble back up the vent and scurry down the right shaft instead. A few turns and twists later and you appear right above the kitchens, peering down on a scullery maid named Jane. You’ve seen her before, as she was one of the few to visit Sollux in the tech lab regularly. She always begs him to eat something despite the fact that he doesn’t even need to. You guess that it was probably a habit from working with humans, which she has mentioned doing often. 

She appears to be baking cookies today. The smell of chocolate wafts up to your location, overwhelming you with a wonderful feeling of serenity. You feel like you would rather enjoy baking if you had the time for it. Perhaps you and Rose could attempt something like that when you get back to headquarters. 

Jane sets a steaming tray of cookies on the stovetop, then bends down to slide in another. She wipes some sweat from her brow. You can feel the kitchen’s heat radiating outward from where you are. She must be boiling. 

Jane stands for a second, hands on her hips, before swiftly turning to the window. There is a small set of pies cooling there that she looks over approvingly. 

You see a flash of dark blue at the corner of the window followed by the smallest drop in temperature. It would be barely noticeable in ordinary weather, but in the heat of this room, a few degrees makes a big difference. There must be a Cryokinetic here. 

Sure enough, dark locks of hair slowly become visible from behind the pies. You see a short Sapphire perched behind the sill. A blue one this time, and he’s stifling laughter from both himself and a comrade nearby. His friend is a deep shade of red and seems likely either some kind of Ruby or Cornelian. 

He very quietly reaches for a pie, eyeing Jane. She’s occupied with one of the cabinets on the opposite end, obviously unaware of their antics. 

The Sapphire hands his newly claimed pie to his friend (who you decide was a Ruby, based on build). The Ruby nods. He chucks the pie with deadly accuracy straight at the back of Jane’s head. 

“PANTRY RAID!” They scream, jumping into the kitchen. 

Jane tries to protest in confusion, but the boys are unstoppable. The Ruby grabs the burning tray with his bare hands and shovels every last cookie into a bundled-up red cape. He screams like a banshee while he does so, yelling at his friend to secure some apple juice. The Sapphire humorously salutes and runs to do as commanded. Jane buries her head in her hands. Her lack of real surprise makes you think that this is a regular occurrence. 

And you thought Sollux was interesting. Speaking of which, you should finish your little tour and get back to the tech room. 

You climb out of view of the kitchens, making your way up to Rose’s stakeout in the Manor. She chose to stay in the hidden rooms behind the library bookshelves. They were fairly close to your post so that you can check up on her when needed. 

The ventilation chambers here are much older, being made from meager stone rather than metal. You don’t like these pathways quite as much. However, they are much more spacious. The first hidden room is right up ahead. 

Upon opening the door, you find that Rose is not in here. Her items are thrown around the room messily, clustering around a hastily drawn pentagram. The incense dish that she keeps with her is still smoking, so she must have left very recently. You proceed down a different corridor towards the farthest room. 

You do not expect to see another gem with her. 

Rose is standing in the center of the room, arms coursing with dark power around her unsheathed palm spikes. In front of her is a sweaty-looking Jasper with ridiculous glasses. 

Rose notices you out of the corner of her eye, dropping the magic around her wrists. 

“Kanaya, good timing. We have some matters to discuss.” 

You look warily at the intruder. “And What Would Those Happen To Be, My Flower?” 

“Do you remember the plan that we made before coming here?” 

“Yes. To The Letter.” 

“In that case, we have good news. This gem right here is the inside correspondent that I told you about.” 

“Oh? But Then Why Were You Prepared To Attack?” 

“We were just sparring a bit while waiting for you. I wasn’t expecting you back until midnight, however. Hopefully this means that we will be able to finish our business early.” 

“Indeed.” 

The Jasper turns out to be friendly, if a little odd. You, he, and Rose and speak about the scheduled attack at the end of the month (assuming that you get the information from the Gemini database). He tells you about a little change in plans. 

“So, after this is over, I’m not going to be the one to meet up with you below the earth base. If everything goes the way I want it to, that will be my little bro.” The Jasper explains. 

“You’re Sure That We Can Trust Him? 

“He’s a fucking idiot, but he’ll figure things out eventually. Dave will be a great asset to your team once he gets his head out of his ass.” 

“Well, In That Case, It Is Imperative That He Removes His Head From His Rear As Quickly As Possible.” 

You hear a snort coming from Rose. “That could have been worded better, but yes. I agree with Kanaya.” 

“Things will turn out eventually.” Says the Jasper. 

He and Rose exchange a few pleasantries once the Jasper mentions that he has to leave. You watch him disappear into thin air, although the wind makes you think that it was flashstepping rather than teleportation. You turn to Rose. 

“It’s time for us to put this plan into action, Kanaya! We should meet again tomorrow night. Did you make any progress on The Gemini?” 

You stoop forward and kiss Rose on the cheek, which she lovingly returns. “No, I Haven’t Yet, But I Hope To Be In The System By The End Of The Week.” 

“That’s fine. Do what you can. You know where to find me if you need me.” 

And so you both depart. 

You make your way back to the metal vents, looking for an opening. The grate a few minutes down overlooks a grandfather clock that you can use to check the time. 

Something is irking you at the back of your mind. The Jasper, Dirk, doesn’t quite strike you as dangerous, but you feel nervous about trusting him. Rose seems to have no issues. Perhaps you’re paranoid. 

The clock displays that it’s about 8:30 right now. The working staff should be preparing the night routines by now. If you recall, Dirk doesn’t have any duties at this hour. You strongly suspect that he’s going to find his brother during this time. 

You entertain some thoughts of tailing him while you climb through to the tech room, but you get distracted by the kitchen vent. There’s a lot of people gathered in there. You identify at least three of them as people you’ve seen today. Oh, wait, you recognize the boy in the red cape. Wasn’t he stealing from Jane earlier? 

Jane is still standing in the kitchen, you come to find. She’s talking animatedly with a nearby Rubellite and... 

No. It couldn’t be. 

Sollux is out of the tech room. 

And your day just got much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgHW02YF50s
> 
> "Ya Like Jazz?"


	8. When in doubt, sLaM a fAyGo

====> John: Fall in a wormhole 

Your name is John Egbert... kind of. Usually your name would be John Egbert, but as of right now, you just so happen to be Dave Strider. 

You can’t exactly say you know why. A few minutes ago, you had been relaxing with Dave on the sofa after watching a long strife match between him and Dirk. He’d been going on and on about techniques. It was pretty interesting, but then you got distracted by the smell of apple pie wafting from the kitchen. 

Treats don’t really appeal to you all that much. However, you had remembered how much Dave loves them, particularly apple products. You thought about surprising him with a cold glass of apple juice as a reward for his hard work today. That had seemed perfect. 

But suddenly, after you excused yourself to walk to the kitchen, you noticed that the smell of pie was gone. 

It didn’t really bug you that much at first. Your sense of smell has never been your best attribute. But the literal lack of pie upon walking into the kitchen did bug you a bit. In fact, so did the lack of a kitchen. You appeared to have walked into a storage room. One that has the same dimensions and location of the normal kitchen. So, you thought, why aren’t there any pies? Or people? Or a kitchen? 

Only for you to look at a mirror propped up nearby and realize that something else was off. You’re not John. You’re Dave. 

The first thing that you notice right away is that Dave’s body feels a lot different than your own. He’s thin, but very well-toned, which you are not. Your body is wiry, you have practically no muscle except in your arms. 

Dave’s clothes are actually quite soft and comfortable around his frame. You’ve always liked the deep red of the Rubies’ uniforms, and Dave’s tunic is nothing short of brilliant crimson. Of course, you already knew about the color of his clothes, but it retains a new significance when you see it from the other side. 

You move closer to the mirror. Dave’s stark-white hair fluffs up in your fingers while you card through it. It’s really silky, which you weren’t expecting. You giggle in mild amusement. 

Wow. Dave never laughs like that. 

Now that you think about it, you haven’t seen a whole lot of emotion in Dave’s face at all. That’s probably due to the trademark poker face of the Strider line. He must have had to train for a long time to suppress his emotions like that. You find it admirable in a way, but it gets a little frustrating sometimes when you have to guess what he’s thinking. You suppose that theoretically, you could find out what happiness looks like on him. It wouldn’t be hard, you’d just have to smile a bit, and Dave has no problem making you smile. 

You really want to see. What would he look like if for once, you made him smile? 

No, you can’t do that. It’s cheating. 

Having made up your mind, you turn away from the mirror to start investigating where you are. But as soon as you turn around, the room around you crumbles into darkness. 

No. No! You think you know what’s going on now, and you don’t like it. Not at all. You thought you were being careful... 

The crumbling ceased as soon as you noticed it happening. Instead, the shadows at the corners of the room folded in on themselves while the rest of the room expanded into an empty void. Only the floor remained intact as the graceful shadows overtook the building around you. 

The walls around you had become an open view of space, kind of like if you were just floating around the cosmos on a hunk of marble, but only for a second. You saw the sun rise overhead and turn the sky bright blue in its wake. Trees start growing around you, causing you to jump back in surprise. They grew everywhere but in a small clearing that you stumbled to the center of. 

You’re confused, to say the least! All you wanted to do was get apple juice! ALL YOU WANTED TO DO WAS GET APPLE JUICE! 

You trip over onto the floor, feeling your hip collide with something hard. It’s Dave’s sword sheath. You wrench it out from under you and scramble back to your feet. Sword fighting is not your strong suit, but you have to be ready to defend yourself in case any shadow creatures try to attack you. You don’t have access to your Cryokinesis as of right now. The sword will have to do. 

Ironically, Dave isn’t here to protect you now. 

 

====> Sollux: Slam a Faygo 

You make solid eye contact with the sugary soda sitting a few feet away from you. It’s a disgusting sight, being warm and flat with gross sap-like substances oozing down the sides. 

Why would anyone ever drink that willingly? 

Ugh. One of the nobles visiting the manor is completely fucking addicted to the stuff. Thus, the kitchens usually keep it in high stock. Why anyone, specifically a noble, would like that soda is beyond you. 

That prick (his name is Gamzee, by the way) had waltzed into the tech room like he owned the place, splashing soda everywhere and almost drenching your precious bees. You had wanted to strangle him then and there but ended up just taking the bottle away from him and yelling for him to get out. Now, the bottle has been sitting on your desk for an undeterminable amount of time. You would get rid of it if you had enough fucks to give. 

Oh shit. You were so distracted by stupid soda that you forgot to claim the POV. It’s time to advance the plot, bitches. 

Your name is Sollux Captor, and you don’t really like people all that much. Which is why you work with technology. Technology doesn’t require any energy for complex conversations or relationships. All you have to do to keep your computer happy is keep it plugged in. That, and placate the bees. Never, under any circumstances, should the bees ever be allowed to unleash their wrath. 

Truth be told, you absolutely detest interacting with just about anybody unless it’s over a chat network. Maintaining eye contact, reading body language, detecting hidden messages... It’s too much for you. At least you can scroll up and analyze conversation when it’s online. You can’t do that in real life, which sucks. 

Conversation makes you too easily frustrated, which results in a lot of harsh language on your part. Nobody really understands why you get to be so irritable. All they can do is sass back, which makes you even more frustrated. It would be best if they’d just stop trying with you. 

That’s why the tech room is perfect for you. It’s dark and secluded, and everyone except for about three people avoid it at all costs. You have everything you could ever want or need available at an arm’s reach or it gets brought up to you by the serving staff. 

You get so little interaction on a daily basis that you like to gossip with the POV. Oh yeah, we’re getting meta up in here. 

Don’t worry. You know about the POV (which should be obvious based on your earlier comment). Just about anyone with basic psychic abilities has some kind of awareness of it, but only a select few people can ever be completely fluent with it. You have the ability to hear anything that the universe wants you to know at any given moment just by tuning into it. 

Theoretically this should make socializing easier, but in fact it, does not. You just get to be hounded by a lot of noise if you try to use it while talking to someone. Not great considering your already thick and hard-to-manage anxiety. 

Yeah... speaking of which, you’ve got a little bit of a problem on your hands. 

Sollux! If you hate talking to people so much, how are you ever going to be in a relationship like you’ve been whining about for like two chapters? 

You’re working on it. You know that if you were ever to proceed with your crush on Feferi, you would have to actually talk to her. Which you don’t want to do. Nothing against her, no. She’s a real sweetheart. But talking makes you anxious no matter who it is. 

Online is a completely different story, though. You have absolutely no issues holding up a decent conversation over the internet. In fact, you actually have a pretty large list of friends on your computer. You still don’t actively seek out company, but sometimes they come to you and it’s nice. 

Of your daily correspondences, you only have two. One is a kitchen maid who likes to coax you into eating every now and again. The other is a mostly online source, although he comes up to visit you about once a month. He’s a Ruby guard called Karkat. 

From what you can tell, he contains more rage in his pinky finger than most people do in their entire bodies. What a catch, that guy. 

In terms of socializing, Karkat is very bearable. Those are very high compliments from you. You like to send him your funniest computer viruses, complete with background music and stroke-inducing visuals. 

Your latest creation is the one that you’re the proudest of. It’s loud, annoying, and perfect in every possible way. You spent hours butchering the saxophone and the kazoo while composing audio for it. On top of that, you bass-boosted that motherfucker and added some tambourine with a synthesizer. It’s the perfect weapon of mass hatred. It is one hundred percent guaranteed that whoever gets this virus will immediately hate you forever. And you call this abomination: “Ya Like Jazz?” 

As a matter of fact, you do like jazz. You also like comedic suffering. 

Some people think that you use these viruses as “A DISTRACTION FROM YOUR MISERABLE AND PATHETIC LIFE”- Karkat Vantas , but you prefer to think of it as an artistic pastime. 

Hey, at least you have something that you do besides stalk people. 

The rattling of a doorknob distracts you from the code on your screen. Oh great. Speak of the devil, so they say. You minimize all the tabs on your computer except for the security camera footage and then turn to the door, steeling your nerves for another draining social interaction. 

What you don’t expect to see is the Sapphire from the lake standing in the doorframe. He’s a little bit damp, presumably from coming out of the water not too long ago. The giant purple cape covering his back flutters for a second when he walks into the room. 

You groan internally, thinking about what you’re going to say to him. What is the proper greeting for a dude you met in a lake while watching one of his friends? 

However, he doesn’t address you. He breezes past the door, casually walking to the “Gemga” monitor. You watch as he pulls out the chair, sits down, and begins typing away. 

Well then. 

You watch him for a few more moments, debating in your head. Is he waiting for you to say something first? If he is, he is going to be sorely disappointed. 

The Sapphire still doesn’t look up. You thought that you saw him try to get your attention, but it turned out to just be him flicking away a stray bee from the hive near his seat. You feel the urge to go check on the bee- it might be hurt. But you see it flutter into the air a few seconds later to investigate one of the Sapphire’s rings on his other hand. 

Whatever. You’re glad that he doesn’t feel like talking to you, at the very least. You turn back to your computer and bring up your coding tabs again. Karkat dared you the other day to make a virus that will blow up a computer when run. It’s practically child’s play for a peridot such as yourself, but a challenge is a challenge. You’re going to add the finishing touches to “Ya Like Jazz?” by giving it a self-destruct program at the end of the annoying music. He’s in for a surprise. 

But then you hear a cough behind you, and you roll your eyes. “What the fuck do you want?” You hiss at the intruding figure. 

He doesn’t answer. You immediately fill with seething rage, glaring through your multicolor glasses at his stupid face. Everything about this guy is stupid. Everything. You hate his hair and his glasses and that tacky fucking scarf. Who wears a scarf in the water? This guy apparently, because he had been wearing that scarf last night. 

You continue your silent declarations of hatred until you notice a cord running down the front of his shirt. He’s, um. He’s wearing headphones. 

You blush a violent shade of gold. He was just coughing, you guess. 

A beep from your computer alerts you that the screen is about to time out. You quickly shift the mouse so that it doesn’t. Suddenly, something at the corner of your desktop catches your attention. The files. 

The computer that you use, “The Gemini”, is connected to every other monitor in the manor’s system. Theoretically, you could pull up Gemga’s file and see what’s going on. 

No! You smack your forehead lightly. He isn’t worth your time. If you’re going to stalk someone, it better be because of a security alert or because you know them. You don’t even know this guy by name. He’s off limits. 

But a few minutes later, your curiosity gets the better of you. You feel disgusted with yourself as you bring up the file and open it to the Sapphire’s desktop. Right now, it appears that he’s reading a report on imports and exports in the manor. Nothing to be suspicious of. One of his tabs leads to a music site, and it’s playing what looks like instrumental rock. Huh. He doesn’t really look like the type. 

You pull up the database on his computer to try and find his username. It’s surprisingly well protected, being under two layers of security firewalls that you have to hack past. His profile comes up in a bright display, showing the Sapphire wearing his numerous glittering rings, displaying them as he holds a wand high in the air. A status report appears next to the image. TITLE: ERIDAN AMPORA- CLASS: ROYALTY- JOB: HEAD OF COMMERCE, OVERSEES SAPPHIRE AFFAIRS- TRADEMARK: CALIGULASAQUARIUM. 

You nearly choke on your own spit. The HEAD OF COMMERCE found you stalking Feferi? 

You cast a hurried glance at the Sapphire, who’s still calmly reading at his desk. It looks like he’s given up on trying to shoo away the bees. A few are perched on his horns, buzzing happily. 

This time, Ampora notices you watching him. He doesn’t look mad. Just kind of... bored? 

You die a little bit inside, thinking about talking to him now. There is no way. Not now that you know how much trouble he’s liable to get you in for. You can’t believe that you’d been so careless. 

Red and blue sparks start buzzing around your body. It happens when you get really upset. Breathe. Just breathe. 

Ampora doesn’t seem to notice. He just stretches out his arm and points to the bottle of Faygo sitting on your desk. “Are you gonna drink that?” He says. 

The last of your soul escapes your body, and since it’s gone, what the hell. You walk to the minifridge by your beehive and grab a fresh Faygo from inside, slamming it on Ampora’s desk. 

“Thanks.” 

“Whatever. Ju2t don’t 2piill iit on the computer.” 

You know what, you’re in the mood to die today. You grab the unfathomably old Faygo and knock it back in time with Ampora’s first sip. 

No other words are spoken between you for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up dudes? Just wanted to let everyone know that wrestling season is starting up for me, and I have practice until pretty late most days. I'll try to keep up with updates as much as possible, but if I'm a few days late, just assume I'm busy with that! I promise I would never abandon a fic without posting an update about it first. I've just got stuff that piles up, ya know? Anyway, thank you for all the love and support so far! Hope you enjoy!


	9. haha John is suffering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I've been really fucking swamped with work recently. I wanted to get some content out for you guys so that I don't die of guilt, but heads up! THIS CHAPTER IS INCOMPLETE AND WILL BE UPDATED SOON.

====> John: ride it out 

Your name is John Egbert and holy shit you’re tired. 

You’ve been fighting through the void for about ten straight minutes now, which is an exhausting tactic if you’ve ever seen one. 

A squelching sound in the air tells you that you’ve just sliced through another shadow. (Slime? Ecto-fluid???) splatters across the ground, joining the growing pile of sludge by your feet. More shadow creatures surround you as you leap backwards. They growl, snapping blackened teeth in your face and around your body. You stab with Dave’s sword in front of you. 

The blade makes sickening contact with the nearest shadow creature, burrowing into its neck through the thick, matted fur. It screeches and disappears into the pulsating sludge. 

If only Dave was here. Dave is so good with his sword, he could probably make quick work of the shadow creatures and find a way out without breaking a sweat. Inside his body, you realize that his muscle memory is the only thing that’s saving you from utter annihilation. You wouldn’t stand a chance against this had the wormhole forced you to be anyone else. 

Speaking of which, wormholes are not fun to get stuck inside of. 

You’ve only ever been in one about twice before, but that was back when you were only a few hundred years old. They’re not quite as deadly to gems past 800 years old due to formal training and experience levels. However, they can still definitely kill you if you’re not careful. 

A wormhole like this one is pretty much just a pocket dimension of thoughts, nightmares, and daydreams conglomerated into a huge pile of shit that you need to fight your way out of. A decent equivalent of wormholes for non-psychics would be having a high fever and weird-ass dreams. 

You most likely caught it from trying to divine too much in the past month. Pushing your luck with the universe is never a good idea even in the best of times! 

Or maybe... you caught it from Sollux. Of course he would be the one to conveniently forget to cleanse his energy before using the seer’s fountain! He probably expelled his negative aura fucking everywhere just to spite Dirk for messing around in the tech room. Dirk- who's not even supposed to be psychic- and yet still knows everything that he shouldn’t. You don’t know how the fuck he does it, and it makes you very frustrated. 

Whatever. You’re getting off topic. 

It would be too much energy to think of all the times that you’ve lectured your peers about the importance of energy fields. If he’d just lit some fucking sage, maybe you wouldn’t be miserable right now. 

All you can do right now is grit your teeth and keep moving.


End file.
